Syringes

We, in our present state, still longs

for the scent of skin and the feel of
diving intramuscular or slipping subcutaneous.
But, you chose to contradict-
saying that you would rather enjoy the
sight of us blending with rust in that

little box you labeled ‘Sharps’.

Fastdrip

What bothers you
is the flow of IV fluids-

like reruns of the humid
air in the month of December.

Then, you remember something
less of words spoken

and more of a pain that
tracks the shutters of your heart.

By tomorrow, everything
will be ordinary-

the scent of roses, chocolates
and love letters.

I, too, remember the flow
of IV fluids-

fast enough to wash
away memories.

Before Sleep

My index finger

runs the curve

of your lips.

Catching up

with the hymn

of trees,

outside the

window pane,

swaying veils.

Breath against breath,

into this make belief

madness.

Eye meeting eye,

searching for

answers given.

Skin touching skin,

covering the

spaces in between.

This is a conversation

and a travel

in trance.

We own

everything, tonight,

before sleep.

Oneirophobia

The letters stitch
the color red,
reminding her of love lost.

Flowers, overflowing,
that shadows our eyes-
coldly

passing secrets overtime,
now and then.
The fast forward motion

of this phase,
a riot in double-
paralyzed.

Yes, Valentine’s day
like red crayons
and love letters.

I’ve seen the mixture.

Trials and errors
or chosen themes,
like dreams.

Like Coldness

An afternoon without sun,
like coldness
warming your skin
in an open pier,

and your smile-
sweet as sweet,
a tease of your lips,
a constant reminder

with each memory.

Setsuko

(after watching Isao Takahata's Grave of Fireflies for the 10th time)





as bombs hum their lullaby-



you are there, in the dark,

alone.



sucking on marbles like

sakuma drops,



your eyes sunken not with

hunger but with longing.



above a hill, Seita catches

his breath wondering if you're safe,



as bombs hum their lullaby.

Balicaoao

coldness of air embraces us
with fireflies watching in front,
resembling the random flickers
from the streetlights of Kabankalan.

the coldness warms us
like old conversations,
over bottles of
Red Horse Beer and chicken skin.

above us-
the same stars puncture the sky
as if rewinding scenes of
friendship, regrets, and love.

minutes before the pta.tay-tay blues

the warmth of the afternoon sun
gives rhythm to the dance
of five peso coins in the dashboard
while you find comfort against
the newly upholstered leather seat
of a two month old L-300.
flashes after flashes,
thoughts clouded your mind
as if mimicking the angry blow
of dust from the unfinished road
widening project and stained patches
of your black backpack.


you always anticipate this phase
but before dusk you were
expecting something new,
aside from sadness.

Tourniquet

i remember how it was
and your steady grip
that tightens with
every moment
of fear or happiness.
you even said
that plain understanding
and compromise
will do the trick
and all of this
is nothing but
temporary compression.
but then i defer
with fear
because your grip
proves you wrong.

***
…and in the end we choose
to let it go like the view
of a prominent vein without
the pressure of tourniquet

sagbot overdose

multicolored candy wrappers, tinapa scented cellophanes, rotten fallen leaves, empty bottles of tropicana twister,econo foil packs stained by soy sauce and vinegar, brown bag with barely bitten pandesal, unclassified leftovers in paper plates, sticks of nicotine,piled bottles of red horse beer, burned up mary jane, plastic sachets with traces of methamphetamine, melamine rich milk products,monosodium g plus minola o, her excellency, his majesty, the unhonorables, their unholiness, presidential pardon kay teehankee, killing view in mindanao, rise and fall of gasoline, papogi rock,overpopularized emo lyf-istayl, gold album ni gretchen barreto, teledrama adaptation sang pelikula ni ate shawe, heavy drama scenes of sam milby,political ambitions of manny p., ‘let’s help the ofw’ ad ni manny v., one liners ni justice secretary, ‘hindi ako tatakbo sa 2010′ nga mga hirit, welcome sign sa emergency room, unreferred referrals from various hospitals, no philhealth-no admission policy, ’puno na ang amon hospital’ ideology, celebs and other hospital VIPs, korupsyon 101 sa tertiary hospital, 800 patients in a 400 bed capacity hospital, karton beds, bp of 90/60 and an open ampule of nicardipine, hard crust POPs, epinephrine post mortem, morphine-ketamine-nalbuphine-meperidine in your fucking painless brain, relaks-relaks mode clinical instructors, chin up-breast out- know it all MDs, chin up-breast out PGIs, chin up JIs, casual-cho nurses- and- classified N1s acting like nurse trainees, nurse trainees contented with their status as trainees, random rubbish thoughts covering a suicidal hangover.

Us

tonight, it's all about
the two of us-

simplicity and complexity
cursing each other.

binding-

this moment,
this time.

making singularity
a memory pass

or a syringe
in use

colored
by the beauty

of blood.

Three Days of Fever

Day 1
I'm starting to feel the shiver
in place-
comforted by layers of blanket
and ice;
worsened by thoughts of sleep
and sleeplessness.
Day 2
I'm starting to seek comfort
alone-
imagining Royal Tru-Orange will
relieve this affliction;
fearing that plain water will
only make it high.
Day 3
I'm starting to believe the
worse is yet to come-
a febrile state in make belief,
that no paracetamol
can ever manage.

A Product of Imagination and Consequence

The walls,
coldest of its kind
pierces your sight
in a different way
with barb wires
and moss in green-
embracing your soul.
Still you manage to see
beyond the usual,
and as the rays of
sun touches your chest
illuminating the scripted
letters (BSN-RN),
you remember that
in the not so distant past
you long for this day
to simply pass.

Cinema Nostalgia

here are some random eclectic movie lines that constantly flashes before me...

" I want to give you everything, but I am nothing".
"We have each other, that's everything."
-POLA X

"...some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there. "

- American Psycho

"Women! What can you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a fuckin' genius. The hair... They say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-ah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven. I need a drink. Yes, Mr Sims, there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah! Are you listenin' to me, son? I'm givin' ya pearls here."

-Scent of a Woman

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."

-Crash

"It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."

-American Beauty

and yes, this last one is not only eclectic but also a haunting movie line as well...

"I care about my job sir, I care about you!"

-Caregiver

The Limbo

Too ill to sleep.

Too tired to stay awake,
but the sickness is on its way.

Sweat, chills, nausea.
Pain and craving.

A need like nothing else
I've ever known
will soon take hold of me.
It's on its way.

Orange Overdose

a bit tired, maybe
best not to say more.

bedways is rightways now.
hear angel trumpets
and devil trombones.

and you, are invited.

but enough of words,
actions speak louder than.
action now.

this would sharpen you up
and make you ready for
a bit of the old ultra-violence

IV Insertion

Prepare the patient
simulan mo ang lahat
sa pakikipagkilala at pagkilala.
Gather equipments
mahalaga ang lakas ng loob
at kaunting kumpyensa.
Organize Supplies
magkaroon ng sariling sistema
na susundin.
Apply tourniquet
iwasan ang sobrang paghihigpit o
sobrang kaluwagan.
Locate Vein
hanapin mo ang kanyang
mga kiliti.
Cleanse Site
panatiliing bukas ang inyong
komunikasyon.
Put on Gloves
maging maingat sa mga
personal na detalye.
Apply traction
tandaan na mas mainam
kung alam mo rin ang
inyong pagkakaiba.
Position Needle
isipin mo na lamang na
binibenta mo ang iyong sarili.
Insert Needle
idolohin mo si Joey Marquez
'bes fut always forward tsong'.
Advance the Catheter
alamin ang kanyang mga
ayaw at paborito.
Release the Tourniquet
paminsan-minsan bigyan mo
siya ng oras na mapag-isa.
Remove the Needle
subukin mong tanggalin
ang mga bagay na
magdudulot sa kanya ng sakit.
Connect IV tubing
kilalanin mo ang kanyang
pamilya at angkan.
Secure Catheter
mag-isip ka ng positibo
sabihin mo ito ng paulit-ulit
"hindi ako mababasted".
Clean Up
isaisip mo lang ang lahat ng ito
at humanda ka nang
pumorma at magpapogi.

pamangkot

can i really find sympathy between shit and syphilis?

dalawampu't kuatro anonymous

at muli kong sinimulan ang aking araw
sa panonood ng dvds
guin sulit ko naman ang
"When Harry Meet Sally"
i wanted to cry but Billy Crystal
was so pretty and Meg Ryan
was so funny...
sa pananghalian hindi kinalimutan
ni dadz ang all-time fave niyang
lechon manok sa turbo,
kag nadumduman niya magbakal
sang 3 in1 ice cream ala Ate Shawie
then the usual cake and coke
added the calories...
at natapos ang araw na masaya
nahugasan ang mga plato
and a passive family bonding followed
ngayon nga ay Biyernes, ika-16 ng Mayo
biente kuatro anyos na ko
and nothing really changed.

entries of tendencies

(two of my earlier poems, i still don't get it when others will resort to painkillers just for the kicks.)

Tracks


Scars define sadness and blame.
beneath those scars
are veins
waiting to taste
the sharpness of dependance.
flowing within those veins,
the blood
that awaits
pleasure and pain.
Your arms define sadness and blame.


Vampires and Painkillers


In darkness,
we find comfort
like lovers
lost in a dance.
your look,
piercing
your touch,
tempting
and I am thirsty
yet everytime
we feel the numbness
its like madness
that we long
for more.